Vulgarity personified
by Terfle
Summary: Tanya & Rosie just can't help being vulgar bints. They have to grow old disgracefully
Rosie and Tanya walked into the airy room and felt their spirits lift. How could you feel down with all of this? They rushed over to the window and surveyed the view. The beach, the sea and sun, the hot fishermen. _Hello_. They were happy. They lounged around and relaxed for a few minutes. Mulling over the contents of their toiletry bags, each one was struck by the absurdity of others knicker drawer.

'Floss needs to be kept in separate packaging' teased Rosie good naturedly, twirling a tiny thong around the room.

'Stop manhandling my underwear.'

'No bit of manhandling they've not had before.'

'Says the one with the spare parachutes in her luggage.' Tanya surveyed the plain black full briefs tumbling out of Rosie's bag with slight horror. She took a pair and held it up to the window, grimacing at the ugliness. 'Who do you think you are, the next Bridget Jones?'

'She stole them off me' said Rosie, grabbing them back.

'It's like a balaclava.'

'Just in case I need to rob a bank.'

'Why would need to do that?'

'Put a down payment on an Alsatian when I get back.'

Tanya shook her head in resignation at her friend's chances and settled down, taking off her heels and massaging her feet with a sigh. Rosie threw her rucksack in the corner and jumped on the bed. Looked at the strappy sandals and shook her head.

'I don't know why you torture your feet with those things.'

'These are low heels.'

'Not from where I'm sitting.'

'Glamour doesn't come cheap.'

'Apparently so. I had to cut you out of that dress last night.'

'It was worth it.' Tanya stretched her feet lazily. 'I got the VIP seat right next to the captain' she boasted.

'Any closer and you would have been sitting on his face.'

They shrieked with laughter.

'Your life must be such a trial, inciting erections wherever you go.'

'It's a gift' she replied.

'Getting gifts seems more your thing.'

'I treated myself recently; I think that's reward enough.'

Tanya swivelled round and put her arms behind her head, waiting for Rosie to notice. Rosie did.

'Oooh nice. Did you get them redone?'

'Just a touch up.'

Rosie prodded her friend's plastic boobs with amusement.

'No new husbands this time?'

'Not even a sniff of one.'

'I know that's not all you do on the second date.'

'Not had any of those in the last few weeks.'

'Lucky you. I'd be impressed if I got any in the last few months.'

Tanya looked at her sympathetically.

'You'll find your Mister Right.'

'So overrated.' Rosie waved it off with slight impatience. 'They all want to get married and have babies. No thanks.'

'Ok so forget about that, what about Mister Right Now?'

'Oh plenty of those hanging about. That's all they seem to do.'

'You need to get out more.'

'I do!'

'Don't tell me you got some guys round to that poky little flat of yours?'

Rosie glared at her.

'I have.'

'Not recently though?' She asked smugly. Rosie pushed her away, face first.

'Knob off Tanya.'

Tanya just smirked. In spite of all of her teasing, she felt a bit bad that her friend didn't get as much male attention as she did. All the personality in the world didn't match up a superb rack and a face full of makeup, Tanya felt. You had to catch their attention with a feature. Poor Rosie was ridiculously sparky but dressed like a butch lesbian, was there any wonder men needed to take a second glance to get to know her? She leaned over and inspected her friend.

'You need to redo your hair; those greys are bringing you down.'

'Never did them in the first place. What's the point? They're only going to grow back. I play a game. Where can I find the next one?'

Tanya peered at her friend's hairline.

'Well they aren't that bad I suppose.'

'I wasn't talking about on my head.'

Rosie glanced meaningly somewhat below. Tanya followed her gaze and laughed when she realised what she meant.

'How do you even dye that?'

'Give me your mascara and I'll let you know.'

They hooted at the thought of swiping mascara on their crotchly area. Tanya rifled around in her makeup bag and tossed out a tube for Rosie to catch. It was caught while leaping face first onto the bed and bouncing off it.


End file.
